I have just realised that I didn’t share anything here since April! Wow! The year 2017 was so dynamic that my lack of writing here at my writer’s home doesn’t come as a surprise. The year was highly dynamic, energetic, challenging in many areas of my life. First and foremost, 2017 was a “break-through-year” in different ways. This year brought me much closer to live my soul’s highest path and purpose, not only in theory but also in practical terms. Additionally, regarding my personal growth and development efforts over the last couple of years, 2017 taught me how to shift from a “learning only mode” into an “implementing and learning mode.” Furthermore, you will see in a minute that I did a lot of writing, just not here…
There are four main areas that determined my 2017 experiences: learning from and growing with my cats, my talent for working with the Akashic records and my talent for energetic healing work that I could transfer from learning to doing, my passion for peaceful soul food, writing a book, and writing another book… you see that a lot of things were going on.
Learning about life and death from my cats
The most profound, hardest, challenging and heart-wrenching experience was the death of my cat Max, 14, early in January 2017 and the complicated ear surgery, my other cat Flix, 17, had to undergo at the same time. When Flix returned home from the vets, both cats had only 24 hours before Max passed away. On his own. With Flix and myself at his side. How he wanted to pass away. The first quarter of 2017 was centred around Flix, helping this lovely senior boy so that he could help himself to get back to a certain level of vitality. He had to relearn many things, and he did. He was patient, focused, and always grateful regarding what he could do, and enjoyed when I praised, motivated and rewarded him. He never complained about things he couldn’t do anymore. Flix, what an inspiration, what a role model, teaching humans how to recover with grace. This journey showed me a ton of patience, focus, gratitude, and the enormous changes, unconditional love and extraordinary care can do for another living being. I have written in great detail about this experience here.
There are three aspects I’d like to add as they happened after I shared the story back in April:
- One is about Flix and the way cats operate: In May, he could climb for the first time into his cat cave on the first level of his cat tree. And in June, he got a special cat tree for senior cats. They offer more space on each level for the seniors to rest, and additional steps for them to get with ease on each level for those with arthritis or other issues. Perfect for Flix who still had to navigate his lopsided world. From now on, he used to enjoy his treats on the new cat tree! In fact, he requested new treats all the time to find a reason to jump on his new cat tree! Smart boy, no doubt! While he was a happy senior cat, he could imagine having a feline friend again, to interact with another cat. However, he made it clear in an animal communication that the new cat had to be an extraordinary soul that wouldn’t misuse his physical situation, his vestibular syndrome at all. OK, that was an explicit instruction.
- The second aspect I’d like to add is about animal communication:
Also in May, I learned in part three of my animal communication training how to communicate with animals that have already crossed the rainbow bridge. It was an amazing experience that five months after Max’ death I could communicate with him. He enjoyed to be a pure soul, he said that he would still be with me, and our special task wouldn’t be completed. He was proud of Flix how he managed to get back to health. And, he would send us another cat, in divine right timing… I should trust the process.
- The third aspect is about the new cat:
Howy showed up in July. For whatever reason, I changed Flix’ vet appointment from a Friday to a Wednesday. Now, I know why. Because Howy also had a vet appointment on that very Wednesday. So, I met his temporary humans from a local animal shelter in the cat waiting room of the animal hospital.
Long story short, I used my newly learned skills and asked Max about Howy. Yes, he is the one he had in mind. He said “he needs you; he has no other chance. And he is a very gentle soul; good for Flix.”
Howy, 16, moved in on July 31 with some “baggage,” I was aware of in the beginning. He was traumatised because the fire brigade rescued him due to the death of his human, and he suffered from a triaditis, “a syndrome in which cats suffer from concurrent pancreatitis, inflammatory bowel disease, and cholangitis.”
He moved in with 2.6 kg, totally underweight, and a medication and food plan. Five weeks later, we experienced an urgent crisis with not eating, not drinking anything for more than 24 hours. I have taken him to the vets where he stayed for three days. He came back in much better condition, the continuous infusions and the changed medication helped a lot. I got a new therapy plan for him which we strictly followed. He gained weight; about 200 grams in the next three weeks. In October, I added a medicinal mushroom to his diet to boost his pancreatitis. And guess what, when we had the following vet appointment in December, Mr Howy was at 3.7 kg. Now, he looked like a healthy senior cat! And I did a lot of additional work with him, as you will learn in a minute.
Processing Max’ death: writing the soul cats’ story
This is one area of writing I have spent a lot of time on during this year. Max, himself, has tasked me with writing the soul cat book. A few weeks before his death, he jumped on the small table in the living room. Something he never did before. There was a particular book on the table, a book called “soul dogs,” I had read a few days before. He put himself on exactly this book and looked at me in this special Max way that said “did you get it? Write our book!”
Ok, who would not follow Sir Max’ instructions? I had a clear task, writing the soul cat story of Max and Flix’ adoption, their life in their forever home up to Max’ death and Flix’ recovery. In the first weeks after Max’ death, I was guided a lot to write about my amazing feline friends. The book is not yet finished. It needs some additional work; as I know from writing, the detailed work to align chapters to each other, to adjust here and there to let it flow better, etc. takes an awful lot of time. In 2018, I have to make these final steps and get the book out of the door!
Finishing my spiritual leadership program and taking action
As you may remember, I have written about spiritual leadership a while ago, here to be precise. My four-module-program I attended in Scotland, ended in March 2017. The last week focused on how to implement what we have learned in whatever way we wanted to manifest our visions.
For me, the process of getting clarity what it is I want to focus on in the future was iterative as always. It started with one symbol and one idea called “Pecae4You” which came already up in 2016. This overarching concept can have many different facets, and as you can imagine, I started out with way too many different facets. Not doable. Distracting. And not easy to understand for others. So, I reshaped the concept of “Peace4You” based on the areas I can play with my most significant gifts and talents: One is my work with energy and intuition, doing the work of an energetic healer. Two is my passion for the idea that the body is the temple of our souls and should be nourished accordingly, peaceful, without any animal suffering involved.
So, lot’s of learning and implementation went into these ideas: I was certified as a soul realignment practitioner in May, I became an advanced practitioner a few months later, and I learned how to process auric clearing and karma clearing for humans and animals. Of course, I also worked with Flix and Howy to clear their auric fields, with amazing results regarding Flix’ fear and Howy’s trauma release. The big difference in 2017 was that I made a choice not to add more courses, but to focus on implementation instead. So, I started out with a Facebook page to launch my “Peace4You | Empower Your Soul” services. And, I attracted the first clients, and I started to receive amazing feedback from the beautiful souls I had the pleasure to with.
And more writing … enjoying my corporate job as an analyst
Almost everything changed during 2017, certain areas of my work, reinventing our annual study on sales enablement I am responsible for, talking about our findings led to a lot of travelling especially in the second half of the year. I was for the first time in South America, back for a few days, and again off to Dallas and a few smaller trips within Europe.
And, that’s why I mention it here, the second area of intensive writing was here. My CEO and I have co-authored a comprehensive book on sales enablement; the final manuscript was delivered to the publisher just a few days ago, and it will be available in May 2018.
On the last day of the year, reviewing this incredible rich year, I’m happy, grateful and confident. My heart is full of love, and I feel lots of inner peace. I feel comfortable being vulnerable. Finally. It’s a part of my gifts.
I follow my journey, I do the work, and I made necessary steps to follow my soul’s highest path and purpose. Was it always easy? Not at all. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I’m “on it” and I’m looking very much forward to the experiences I envision to make in 2018.
My manifestations are done!
This week it’s three months ago that my soul cat Flix had a major operation and my soul cat Max passed away. One of the most intensive and challenging weeks of my life. And one of the most beautiful weeks regarding the gifts and lessons learned that came my way to assist with the process.
What has happened?
Max, you may remember my recent posts about him here and here, had unfortunately developed a metastasis from his primary ear cancer. We discovered in November that his left lymph node was swollen. Quick check at the animal hospital. It was without any doubt a metastasis of the primary ear cancer.
When the vet explained the diagnosis to me, I was paralysed. I couldn’t stop my tears. Max felt that something was completely wrong. I’m sure he already knew what was going on in his body. But now, he knew that I knew. Which didn’t make things easier for him.
I took Max in my arms, was sitting with him in the hospital, singing for him, what I always did when something was not as we expected it to be. He knew that and curled up in my arms. I couldn’t avoid to let my tears flow, holding my beloved Max in my arms. Then, we went home. Usually, Max would be a talking cat on the way home from the vet. Not this time. He was quiet. So, I talked. Explained to him that I would find alternatives to help him as best as I could.
As soon as we were at home, I made my research on alternative cancer treatments. Mycotherapy was my decision. Medicinal mushrooms are an area we already had very positive experiences regarding his chronical kidney disease. And there were a couple of medicinal mushrooms that are used specifically in the area of cancer, often also in combination with other therapies.
Long story short: In close collaboration with a local vet and mycotherapist (a rare species!), we started his therapy. He got additional weekly injections to boost his immune system. For a couple of weeks, we had the tumour under control. First, it became harder which was a good thing according to the vet, but it also changed its position. We were initially not sure what that would mean. However, Max could still eat. He didn’t eat a lot, smaller portions, but he did. Of course, he lost a lot of weight during these few weeks until the end of 2016. But whatever we did, the tumour didn’t get smaller.
Then, there was this day right after Christmas, when Max decided not to take any medication any longer at all. Not only the medicinal mushrooms. He also refused to take his kidney medication. He was very strict and consequent with his decision. The vet suggested to make a medicinal mushroom break of three days and then to see whether he wanted to take his mushrooms again yes or no. As you can imagine, he didn’t. Max was always a very decisive cat. Consequent. Incorruptible. So, I was not surprised. At this time, my vet articulated what I already knew: that we had lost the battle. We wouldn’t get rid of the tumour. It was too late. At the same time, we began to administer an additional painkiller because the tumour had changed its position down the neck that it could now cause pain when he was eating and drinking. Interestingly, he accepted the painkiller. Max always knew what was needed and what wasn’t helpful anymore. What a wise soul.
During this whole process, I tried to tune into Max’ experience. How was he feeling? Did he want to go, or did he want to stay? Did he want any help so that he could cross over? Earlier in December, there was this one day when I thought “that’s it. It’s over.” He was sitting on the stairs; I was standing next to him on the lower floor. We were literally at “eye level”. His eyes were dark, full of tears, and so sorrowful. My eyes were also filled with tears within seconds. It was the day when he also stopped making his control walk in the staircase as he usually did every evening.
Eye-opening animal communication
I was devastated and asked my animal communicator to talk to him: I wanted to know how he was feeling, what he wanted for himself, what he wanted me to do for him. The opposite of what I had in mind was the case. He was not sad because of his upcoming death. No, he was so very sad because of me. He was sad because I was so sad even if I tried to be happy and positive. But Max felt the truth through all layers of protection I might have put on myself. Animals see you who you really are. At soul level. From heart to heart. He was more concerned about me than about himself. What an incredible soul. What a master and teacher. That caused lots of tears on my end again. But this time tears of overflowing happiness and endless gratitude to have him in my life.
All of a sudden, I experienced what it really meant to live in the moment. To enjoy the now. Max, like all animals, always live this way. He showed me what was really important, and where to focus on. From now on, for the last few weeks we had together in this incarnation, I was feeling liberated. We would just enjoy the time that was given to us. And I’d continue to involve my animal communicator Sylvia, who became a dear friend over time, to really understand what he wanted. I wanted him to pass away how and when he was ready to go. On his terms. Not because I couldn’t stand anything anymore. When it would become even harder for me, that was fine. But most important was that I wanted to make sure that I facilitated his way. This clarity opened a different space for us. He started to spend more time outside of his hiding places. Enjoying the sun in the early afternoon became a ritual again almost until the end.
Then, it was the end of the year, New Year’s Eve. As always, Max wasn’t afraid of all the noises. But Flix was. As last year. Although he was much more confident than the year before, he was looking for the very specific New Year’s Eve hiding places…
Another shock: Flix…
January 2, Max and I had a vet appointment. Nothing special, tumour check, and he got an immune system booster. When we arrived back at home, Flix was gone. I couldn’t find him to be precise. As an indoor cat, he couldn’t disappear. At least that’s what I thought. Sometimes he liked to hide even if we were back from the vet because he just wanted to make sure that nobody could ever take him to go somewhere. So, I didn’t do anything for the next hour. After lunch, I still missed him. Ok, that was not a common Flix joke. Something had happened. I checked all possible hiding places. No Flix. Then, I removed all (!) items from the storeroom which was one of his favourite hiding places.
There he was! He was sitting between two boxes on the floor. Looking at the boxes, it looked like he had to “reverse park” to get there. I took him in my arms and brought him downstairs. He was walking in a strange way. Maybe something was strained….?
He was very stressed that day. In the evening he just wanted to sit on my lap and relax. For hours and that was an entirely new behaviour. Strange. Something was not right. The next day, I wasn’t sure about one of his legs to be strained. He had issues to keep his balance with his rear legs. I made a few videos and sent them to my favourite vet in the animal hospital. She called me back the same day, very late. She said an orthopaedic specialist and a neurologist should see him.
Two days later, Flix and I went to the animal hospital. The vets looked at the videos (luckily I made those because Flix didn’t show any movement at the vets). They also looked at his eyes and found a strange reaction on one side. However, it was a neurological issue called vestibular syndrome. I thought so. Observing him at home, I already did some research, and that was my guess, too. The vets said that the vestibular syndrome in cats is almost never unspecific as in dogs. That’s why they recommended an MRT diagnosis because they assumed something to be in the brain causing the problem. Oh wow… as we wouldn’t have enough challenges…
However, I’m always a big fan of facing a challenge directly. They processed the MRT right away. One hour later, the vets came back and showed me what they had found: There was a large polyp in his left middle ear. And that polyp was the reason why he lost his sense of balance.
In his left ear? What was going on here? Both cats had issues in their left ears. Max just a few months ago and we all know how this evolved. And now Flix, although the circumstances were different and it was the middle ear and not the ear canal as with Max. But it was the left ear. Did he mirror Max’ illness, Max’ body feelings?
The only way to give him a chance to get his sense of balance back was an operation to remove the polyp. Then, it would take a while (a couple of months were already mentioned!) until his neurology would function properly again. We scheduled the operation for the following Tuesday, January 10th.
Flix’ operation on January 10th
On that morning, we had snow. Max decided to test the snow on the loggia. He enjoyed a few moments there, and then he left his mark in the snow. Then, he came in again. Relaxed. So as he would have done something important. Flix was sitting at the open door, but he couldn’t decide to go out. He was just looking outside.
At lunchtime, I brought Flix to the animal hospital. Of course, I made sure that Max and Flix knew what was happening and that both could spend time together before Flix and I left. Bringing him to the animal hospital was traumatic for both of us. He put his paws in my jumper, in my jeans, everywhere. There was no way that he wanted to let me go. As always, I explained him earlier on that today, the polyp in his ear that caused him so much pain and stress would be removed and that he needed to spend some time in the hospital. I hugged him again, reassured him and promised him that we would soon be all together at home. Just holding him, feeling his heartbeat on my heart. Slowly, slowly, he relaxed and allowed me to put him in the hospital’s cat carrier. I will never forget the depth of his eyes, how he looked at me when I had to leave him there. I knew these moments from bringing Max for an operation. Horrible, sad and moving. But necessary to ensure his health. Although you know you do the right thing, it is heart-wrenching to leave a beloved animal at the hospital that is simply afraid of the situation even if they trust you. Only time for a few tears on my way home. I wanted to be back in a positive mood for Max.
Navigating with the heart, understanding the souls’ decisions
The next three days were highly turbulent, to say the least. The vet who made the operation called me very late the same day. The operation went well, Flix was already awake again, but his neurology wasn’t. He prepared me for what happened in the next few days: that Flix’ neurology was worse than before the operation which happened sometimes.
The next day, I was told that Flix had to stay in the hospital for another night because they couldn’t get him on his feet again. I was deeply worried. The vets, too. And then I had Max at home who lost a bit more of his life force every day. The following day, a Thursday, I got the same information. But I didn’t accept it. I said that I would come to see Flix whether they liked it or not. When I arrived at the hospital, and they brought me Flix, I had to use all my strength to remain strong and positive for my boy. Flix was totally helpless, not able to eat on his own, and not able to get on his feet. He cuddled in my arms like a picture of misery, desperately trying to get some stability. I simply hugged and loved him for the next half an hour. Sending him as much of my love as I possibly could. Singing for him. He had given up on himself. What a disaster… I told him that everything was going to be all right. That Max would wait for him at home. That we would all soon be at home again. United.
I was thinking back and forth when I was driving home. Max was in his final stages of this incarnation. He didn’t have a lot of time left. And my intuition told me that he couldn’t go without seeing Flix again. And Flix felt that Max was very ill and that he would cross the rainbow bridge rather sooner than later. As he was so focused on Max as his alpha cat. So, the situation must be more than stressful for him; on top of the severe disease and the operation which wasn’t an easy thing. Feeling very insecure and very ill after such a complicated operation and not knowing whether he would see his closest friend again in this lifetime or not must create additional emotional stress for him that didn’t allow him to stand up again. Literally, he couldn’t stand up again. More than enough reasons for such a highly vulnerable cat to give up on himself.
Animal communication to understand the souls’ desires
When I was at home, I told Max that Flix had a hard time and that I would do whatever it would take to reunite the both as soon as possible. I contacted my animal communicator again, sharing the tough situation. She said that she would talk to both cats. Later on the same day, I got her feedback from her conversation with both cats. She had an “animal conference call” with both cats’ souls. First, Max when asked, clearly stated that he didn’t want any help to cross over the rainbow bridge. Even he was in his final stages of cancer, he was still the alpha cat. He said he was tired and weak and that he hoped that he could simply fly away when it was about time. And he also stated that he was very sorry in case he didn’t have enough time to see Flix again in this lifetime.
Then, the conversation with Flix uncovered the magnitude of the problem we were in. Flix had mirrored Max’ body feelings completely. His whole left side felt the same way than Max’ left side. The stress Max illness created for Flix could have led to the disease he developed (the polyp in the middle ear that resulted in a loss of balance). He lost his sense of balance the more he experienced that Max would be gone rather sooner than later. Then, the operation was not an easy one, and he was not a young boy either. As a result, Flix had given up on himself when he woke up after the operation, feeling so very dizzy. Everything seemed to turn around him all the time. Sylvia processed a few quantum healing steps with Flix to stop the ongoing dizziness for him. Then she said to me” The work is done. The souls will decide.”
Next morning, I called the animal hospital and shared the whole story with them, especially the results of the animal communication. In a nutshell, I said that I must get Flix at home, that I have no issues to feed him manually and to process the full-time care, but he must see Max again, and Max needs to see Flix again so that he can cross over peacefully. I also reassured them that this was an issue at soul level, not so much a medical issue they could solve. They called me back half an hour later and said OK; we got it, you can take Flix home although his situation is critical; we trust you.
Well, these vets and I went through some processes before… and they knew Max!
A few hours later, Flix was back at home, and I got eight different drugs he needed for the next ten days. He was already in much better shape than the day before. Sylvia’s quantum healing process worked! He could at least crawl out of his cat carrier and go to Max. Very wobbly, but he could! Just imagine the day before he couldn’t even stand on his own feet!
I was sitting next to both of them, letting my tears finding their way from my heart through my eyes. What a relief…. Now, their souls could decide and move on; this way or that way.
Flix had to be fed manually which means I had to puree his food with the drugs that I had pestled before. Then the food had to be put into a few syringes. Then it was dinner time. Flix was used to this way of eating his food since the operation, as he couldn’t coordinate all his senses to eat on his own. But I wasn’t! So, we needed a few times to get used to it. I also helped him to get to the cat toilet a few times a day until he could manage these steps on his own again.
It was time to say goodbye
The next day, January 14th, Max was almost the whole day behind the sofa. He turned around a few times; he came out of his hiding place to drink water, just to go back again.
In the early evening, he changed on his favourite cat blanket in the other room. I asked him if he wanted to have some food and his pain killer. I prepared everything and went back to him. I tried to feed him, but something was different today. He wasn’t even completely here. I talked to him and stroked him where he loved to be stroked; admiring his still beautiful ginger fur. He turned around, and I knew that he was going to cross over. Now. I started singing for him, what I always did when a major event was about to happen for us, and I just wanted to shower him with love.
A few deep breaths and then his soul went out of his body towards the rainbow bridge. His body passed away. I was still singing for him to hold space for him. Flix was with us, sitting just two meters away, observing the scene, exactly knowing what was happening.
Two years and four days …
… was the time that was given to us. I’m so very grateful and happy for this time. Max was not only an amazing, strong cat, a real character, a little tiger, he was also the most loyal friend one can imagine, and he was my master and teacher. All at the same time. Furthermore, in his last days, he officially empowered Flix to take over, to enjoy his life on Earth, here with us, to get back to health although he was no longer physically with him. But as cats often wander between the different worlds, I’m sure that both boys are in a constant messaging mode with each other.
Max taught me a lot. In case some corners in my heart still needed to be opened, Max and also Flix did. Max taught me to focus on what’s crucial. As our time was always based on diseases (the chronical kidney illness and then cancer), the word “focus” gets a different meaning. It’s not only about an emphasis on the time that is given to you, but it’s also about an emphasis on the soul story behind every being to understand the broader picture. Luckily, I followed his guidance and discovered the fantastic topic of animal communication which opens the door to the animals’ soul language. Treating body symptoms is never enough. Understanding his soul story and who he was at soul level was one of the most amazing lessons I could learn. During this process, I also learned what it really means to fully accept another being in a life-changing difficult situation. Loving Max with his cancer, helping him to treat the disease as best as we could, but most importantly, not to forget what was most precious: our time together. To enjoy. To laugh. To play. To love each other no matter what.
Furthermore, without the amazing insights from the animal communication, I’m not sure if we could have navigated this dramatic and heart-wrenching situation so well with positive outcomes for both:
Max could cross over on his terms, and Flix could get healthy again.
Max’ legacy: the soul cat book
It was the book about soul dogs written by a German blogger about her life with her amazing dogs. Max looked at it and placed himself on top of the book. Then, he looked at me long enough for me to get it:
I should write a book about Max and Flix and our life, apparently a book about soul cats.
Three months later
Today, it’s three months and one day after Max passed away. Thinking of him is no longer painful, the feeling transforms more and more into gratitude, love, and pure joy that I could spend some time with this amazing, wise cat. That he adopted us. That he ensured that also Flix was adopted.
Also, I am very grateful that he allowed me to be with him when he passed away. Now, I know that this was one of Max’ generous gifts. He did it because he knew that I was as ready as he was. So, he could transition peacefully.
I am stunned by Flix. This highly vulnerable, sensitive, but super cute cat is going above and beyond. He is fighting himself back into his cat life. He became a strong, even more, confident boy, who is working hard on himself to relearning things that seemed so normal before the operation.
After one week at home, he could eat on his own again. He became more and more secure regarding walking. He couldn’t jump on any cat tree, chair or the sofa. When he wanted to go there, he asked is human service personnel to lift him.
After two months, he could walk the stairs downstairs, and a few weeks later he could also walk the stairs up again. What a relief. No, he could again process the main soul cat jobs, such as for instance, supervising the service personnel, ensuring that breakfast was served on time in the morning, etc.
Again a few days later, he managed it to get back on the first level of his small cat tree. He is trying a lot to get to the treats that are positioned there…
Flix is so proud of all the cat responsibilities he has taken on! And he is so happy that he can do most of the jobs alone again.
The strength he has developed during this process was definitely initiated by Max, and now Flix is going above and beyond to step into Max’ shoes. And he is so AMAZING….
In a nutshell: Navigating with the heart….
PS: The soul cats book is already “work in progress.”
Who could not take on any of Sir Max’ assignments?
Again, another year is about to end. The year 2016 was already judged too often for lots of external events that were perceived in a negative way. For me, 2016 was a very intensive, rich, deep, challenging, but also an amazing year with lots of opportunities to learn and to grow. And the essence of that is what I usually share here at Sand Hearts, my writer’s home. I write about lessons I have learned along my way to evolve my soul, experiences I have to make to become the best possible version of myself, and challenges I had to master to get to where I am now, at the end of 2016.
Now, what was going on for me in 2016?
The first half of the year was about going deep, very deep into my patterns and imprints caused by past experiences. We all have those imprints, stored in our physical body that come from choices we made earlier in this life or our past lives. It was about learning, recognising, and making tough decisions. Consequently. I had to experience situations that can be described as a “forced awareness” to clearly show me that I have to make changes to live in line with my soul’s purpose. In my experience, those “forced awareness” situations never come as stand-alone events. Instead, those situations are simply the end of a process you have to go through to learn what you have to learn. Finally. And then, in such a situation, you immediately know: that’s the last straw. Tough decisions were necessary to sharpen my focus on what I actually want to manifest and what’s in line with my soul’s purpose. The result of this process was a huge shift in the right direction. Into my soul’s direction. My energy has increased, and my frequency has raised.
The second half of the year was all about implementing what I have learned in the first half of the year, clearing old stuff and karmic imprints, energetically completing past relationships, saying “no” more often, and more clearly, in a personal and a business context. Saying “no” is crucial because only then I could say “yes” to the projects that really matter to me. I have focused my energy on learning amazing new things, on planting seeds and establishing the prerequisites for the focused initiatives I will create and manifest in 2017.
And all of that is, of course, an ongoing process. And all of that is mirrored in some way in the blog posts I have written and shared here at Sand Hearts. What I have written can be categorised into these four buckets.
Self-mastery and self-leadership
As you can imagine this category was the biggest one in 2016 with seven out of the sixteen blog posts, I have written in 2016. Additionally, this category is the foundation for all the others.
- As a ritual, I started with my focus for 2016. As done in previous years, I evaluated again for myself, what the roles of knowledge, love, and truth would be for my year 2016. And my intention was to focus, as in 2015, on my truth. If you read my writing here, you will see that my intention on truth has been manifested.
- Then the year began with forgiveness. I have written about forgiveness before, but this time I had to refine my own process on how to approach forgiveness. My experiences required a lot of forgiveness from my side. And back in January of 2016, it wasn’t an easy thing for me to do. So, I adjusted my forgiveness approach based on the idea that I want to turn every situation into love. And, very important: “Forgiveness is not a one-way street, and don’t forget to forgive yourself.”
- In February, I wanted to evolve my thinking on freedom and its limits. My core idea was and is this one: “Understanding connectedness is based on understanding compassion. And understanding compassion requires an educated heart. Only then, the real meaning of freedom and its limits can be determined.”
- In March, I have written about hometowns and soul homes, because it bothered me for a long time that I often arrive at an airport somewhere in the world, standing in the baggage claim area and asking myself from where I just flew in. That experience caused me to get clarity on what “home” actually means to me and where it is.
- In May, coming back from a week of becoming a breathwork practitioner, I shared my beautiful experiences I made during this week, working with my breath, during dry breathing and water breathing sessions. This experience was crucial to me, and the essence of breathing is as I shared it in this blog post: “More than air, water guides as to the connection we may miss from time to time: the connection to the universal life force that’s flowing through all living beings. Some call it the essence, others the divine, others eternity, others infinite… you name it. The name doesn’t matter. What matters, is that you can make this connection.”
- In August, I have again written about vulnerability. This time I have shared my experiences on vulnerability and the lack of trust which is a connection I had to learn about while going through a quite painful process. I learned more about potential root causes of vulnerability. And over time, I figured out that e.g. the loss of basic trust during childhood can lead to very different forms and shapes of vulnerability. “The more you lack trust, the more vulnerable you become….the highly vulnerable appearance and the appearance that covers its vulnerability have their root cause in a lack of trust, in losing their basic trust.”
- In September, I have written about “letting things go” and why this step is only half the truth: “Knowing what you want to let go is only the first step. Knowing in which form you want to transform the energy you want to let go is the key to success.”
Animals, our friends, teachers, and masters
Animals are sentient, intelligent living beings. Living with animals, two cats in my case is a true privilege, and one of the best decisions I ever made. I can clearly say that both my cats and other animals in my life have always been great teachers for me. All animals that ever came into my life taught me something that I needed to learn. And the other way around is also true. Growing up with dogs, horses and cats, I didn’t have animals for many years, due to my business travel craziness. As soon as I manifested another working environment for myself, things could change. In January 2015, Max and Flix, two elderly cats have adopted us. Exactly, cats chose their service personnel. At the local animal shelter, Max put himself on top of my bag and asked me to do the paperwork and to make sure that his friend Flix could come with him as well. I can truly say that these two amazing cats have transformed my life. If there was any corner in my heart that needed to be opened, Max and Flix did.
- In January, I shared my experiences with my cats Max and Flix and what I learned during the first year in their forever home. The first challenge was to find the right therapy for Max’ chronical kidney inefficiency. The second challenge was to heal Flix’ hurt soul because he came as a very fearful cat, always afraid that something or somebody could harm him. It was the first time that I came in touch with the amazing value of animal communication.
- In June, I have written about a horse: Mr Rupert’s death and why it mattered. Mr Rupert lived at Tower Hill Stables Animal Sanctuary, led by my dear friend Fiona Oakes in Essex, UK. His tragic death reminded me of the fact that on our little planet Earth, there are no species that are more important than others. Animals deserve to live and to be treated as equally important. As he was the leader of Fiona’s gang, Mr Rupert’s death created lots of impact for all the other animals living at Tower Hill Stables. “Mr Rupert’s atomic body died. But his spirit, his energy, and his consciousness are still around to drive change.” I have set up a crowd-funding campaign and could raise a few hundred euros to help with the enormous vet bill.
- In October, I shared Max’ story as the year 2016 was a truly challenging year for him. Sir Max had to master a second tooth restoration, and then, a few months later, a tumour had to be removed from his ear, and he had to recover from this third operation within twelve months.
- Later in October, I have shared the second part of Max’ story what I learned so far from Max’ journey, how diseases occur and why he, being rescued, had now to deal with these diseases. I also wrote about the deep relationship we developed during this time. I ended this blog post saying that all there is to care about is his life quality. I will share more in 2017 what this sentence really means right now for us.
Spiritual leadership and transformation
This category was inspired by the spiritual leadership program I’m currently working on until March 2017. This program has forced me in many ways to go deep, to look closely at my own patterns, behaviours, and experiences, and to do whatever it takes to become the best possible version of myself. This program also inspired me to question many, many things, and so-called “beliefs.”
- I have shared a few thoughts on religions, beliefs, science and spirituality. You will see that I’m a huge fan of making own experiences, getting rid of ALL beliefs (getting “naked” of old beliefs), and to begin a journey of self-discovery without any limits apart from those you may set for yourself.
- Based on this one, I have defined the term “spirituality” my way. As there are so many strange perspectives out there, I have seen a real need to provide some clarity on spirituality. In a nutshell, I have defined spirituality as a discovery journey to your soul. And that has nothing to do with a belief system of any kind.
- Then, it was a strong need for me, also triggered by my spiritual leadership program, to get clarity on the term “spiritual leadership”. I have defined this term as well, and here is the short version: “Spiritual Leadership is the capability of equipping living beings to live their soul’s purpose based on the universal principles of love, collaboration, connectedness, and the law of cause and effect.”
Usually, politics is not a topic here at Sand Hearts. However, I have written two times about my thoughts on politics because there was a need to speak up and to add another perspective.
- In February, I shared my thoughts on the refugee crisis because there were so many wrong perceptions out there, especially in other countries about what was going on in Germany.
- In June, due to political events, I felt the need to write about current politics This time, I have written about the circumstances, behaviours and patterns that cause events such as Brexit and the wins of the new right-wing party AfD in some of Germany’s local parliaments.
Stay tuned, more exciting stories and insights will be shared next year. I’m looking very much forward to my future experiences I will make to continue to learn and grow along my journey.
Sand Hearts will remain my personal blog. And Sand Hearts will continue to stay away from content such as “five things to more happiness,” and another “ten steps for more success.” My focus here at Sand Hearts was, is, and will remain to go deep beyond the surface, to get real or not to play at all.
Sand Hearts is all about
- providing inspirations and ideas,
- sharing lessons learned and concepts
- writing about thought-provoking perspectives, and
- being a valuable and inspirational platform
for those who love to go deep on their journey in order to understand, learn, and grow, and for those who want to live in line with their soul’s purpose, and to manifest in line with their full potential.
Thank YOU for being here, for following, sharing, and commenting, and for challenging my thinking! Namasté.
In my last post, I have shared my tomcat Max’ journey during this year. A second tooth surgery was necessary and we had to get rid of an ear tumour that showed up as an ear infection. And Max went through all of that as a chronical kidney disease (CKD) patient.
He is now four weeks after the ear tumour surgery, and he is doing very well. The first two weeks after the surgery he didn’t eat his normal portions, so he lost a bit weight. No surprise with all the medications. Now he is enjoying his food again, and his is back at his old weight of 6 kg. Although he is a CKD patient, he never lost a lot of weight like so many other CKD cats do. Now, he is enjoying all the things he loved to do before the surgery, including playing and fighting with his friend Flix. He seems to be back in his old mood, which is such a priceless gift!
All the challenges we mastered together led to a very deep relationship
He became even more affectionate. And now, he seems to need his humans even closer surrounding him. During the first two weeks after the surgery, when he was wearing his cone, he has spent whole nights in my bed, always in touch with my back or curled up in my crook of the arm. He just wanted to be there, to be supported, to feel his human, knowing that he didn’t have to go through all of these things alone. Often, he was just lying there, very calm, just inhaling and exhaling. And then, he enjoyed that I have taken over the scratching jobs for him, in areas he couldn’t reach due to the cone.
As a rescue cat, all these little things are actually a huge behaviour change. He learned in this short amount of time to accept help and support and to allow his human service personnel to support him. He recognised that all these things were done for him, and not against him. So many little things in his behaviour showed that he appreciated the whole process and that he was feeling the healing. It seemed that he suffered from lots of pain during the ear infection, and this pain was finally gone shortly after the tumour surgery.
Max showed us this in a very special way: he simply peed a heart in his cat toilet. Two times. You won’t believe this, but it’s true. It already happened after his second tooth surgery. After a few days back at home, he also peed a heart!
Animal communication pointed to the cause of the ear infection
From today’s perspective, I can clearly say that the animal communicator’s healing journey, which led to a bleeding ear, was actually the trigger that changed the process. The bleeding ear changed my level of awareness from taking care of an infection to dealing with an emergency. And it forced the vets to change their focus from an ear infection to something bigger.
I’m not a big fan of “would”, “could”, or “should”. But in this case, we can at least say that this trigger has accelerated the process of finding the cause, the tumour in his ear canal. So, I perceive the ear infection as a symptom that created the necessary awareness to look deeper, to recognise what was going on behind the symptom. This increased awareness led to the CT and the follow-up surgery.
And the ear tumour itself is actually a symptom of deeper issues in his life that were brought to the surface via the tumour. Let’s look at those and why it’s important to understand that kidneys and ears are energetically connected to each other (for details, click here).
Max as a rescue cat didn’t feel heard for a long time
Max, a rescue cat, spent most of his life without having a loving home. Instead, his life was pretty hard, on a large farm (nothing romantic about it!), as we know from the animal communication. Images he shared with the animal communicator were about a hard life in a rural environment, hunting for a living, and protecting many other cats, His life also included a few dangerous situations that were a few times life-threatening for him. The only reason why he always had a positive attitude towards humans seems to be the fact that a woman, apparently, saved his life when he was a kitten and very ill. This also was an image he shared during an animal communication.
However, he ended up as a stray cat, and then in the animal shelter, where we adopted him and his friend Flix in January 2015. At this point, I already knew that he was diagnosed with a chronical kidney disease.
Now, reviewing almost two years he is now living in his forever home, so many things have changed. He became pretty soon a very affectionate tomcat. From the very beginning, he was always a talking cat, and a cat with a certain need to control and oversee things. Then, he slowly started to relax. He needed many months to learn how to deeply relax and to believe that he didn’t need to worry anymore, that he had arrived in his forever home.
In his previous life, Max could never live without fear. Now he could.
And that’s important to understand what has happened ever since. Cats, especially stray cats, have to hide any illness as it makes them weak and vulnerable. It’s a matter of life and death. And that’s what he did. Hiding everything. Emotions and illnesses.
Now, as he experienced a forever home, and love and care; now as he could relax and let go of the threats of his past life, things have changed fundamentally for him. For the better, of course. Only then, he could take care of himself and allow things to happen. And then, the illnesses showed up.
Diseases have to be recognised and accepted to be cured
Many older cats, actually every third older cat, develops a chronical kidney disease. That is probably not so specific for Max’ journey, but the ear tumour definitely is. It could be about not being heard. Or the feeling that nobody was listening to him. Whatever it was, there was an imbalance within him. Something was not in its natural, divine order. And that’s probably why his body has developed this tumour. As Max’ vet said, those ear tumours need a longer time frame to grow to a size as Max’ tumour did. It’s nothing that happens within a few weeks or months only. That means that he already had this tumour in his body when he adopted us as his forever service personnel 😉
Treating the chronical kidney disease first
Now, the first issue I have looked at was, of course, how to help him with the CKD, as it is a terminal disease. That included making me an expert on CKD in cats. I’m grateful for the network I can rely on: a network of highly capable vets and a support group of very knowledgeable “CKD cat people.” Yes, it needs a village to keep his tailored therapy plan up to date that allows him to enjoy his life, to stabilise his kidneys and to even improve the kidney function. To achieve this goal he had to undergo two tooth surgeries to remove inflamed teeth from his body because they impact the kidneys significantly. But the relevant indicator, creatinine, only remained stable. It didn’t get significantly better.
Max’ kidney function improved as soon as the ear tumour was removed
And now, we come full circle. One week after the tumour surgery, the anaesthesia, and all the stress around it, his creatinine was significantly better! I asked the vet two times whether this was a joke or a fact. It was true. And actually, it all makes a lot of sense. As the ear tumour was growing in his ear for a longer time, it was no surprise that the kidneys could only be kept stable even with interventions (teeth) that should improve the situation. Because in parallel, the tumour was growing; impacting the kidneys negatively.
In TCM, kidneys and ears are considered as energetically connected to each other. Looking at Max’ situation, it makes total sense.
Of course, Max’ CKD cannot be turned back as it is a terminal disease. But in our support group, many CKD cats live with this illness for many years: with tailored therapy plans based on e.g. a renal diet, specific homoeopathy and healing mushrooms. Leveraging all these options, he has the best life he possibly can have.
And that’s all there is to care about. His quality of life.
I’m just giving him back his birthright to enjoy his life.
And in parallel, I got the best role I ever had: to be Max and Flix’ human.
Stay tuned: Next time I will share more about Max’ friend Flix and his challenges this year.
In January, I wrote about Max and Flix, the two tomcats who changed my life fundamentally. I shared some stories about their first year in their forever home. Both came with some luggage from their previous lives: Max, 13, had a chronical kidney disease (CKD or CRF) in his luggage, and Flix, 16, came with lots of fear, a lack of self-confidence, and a tendency to vomit whenever something changed in his environment.
Now, ten months later, I have a lot to share! We had to go through some challenges regarding healing body and soul. Let’s begin with Max’ story today.
Max’ kidney disease impacted his teeth and the other way around
End of last year, we had a stable situation regarding his kidney disease. The kidney values were pretty high, but luckily, he was feeling much better and had almost none of the usual symptoms of a stage 3 CKD cat. Our vet recommended based on the results of his quarterly kidney check in December to remove most of his upper molars within the next few months. Not only to help him with the bad teeth but also to eliminate any inflammation in his body that is continually impacting his kidneys in a negative way.
So, the decision to do so was made in April. I have involved my peers, my CKD support group, how to prepare Max in the best possible way for his upcoming second tooth surgery within nine months. Max got, in addition to his renal diet, an adjusted therapy plan with a healing mushroom and slightly changed homoeopathic remedies for his kidneys.
Max mastered his second tooth surgery in May
It’s always heartbreaking if you have to bring your cat to the animal hospital, knowing that the cat already hates this day and that it won’t get any better for a couple of days. As I’m doing a lot of energy work myself, I know exactly the impact negative energy can have on every living being. So, it was even more important for me as Max’ human to keep the energy positive, loving and caring, focused on the best possible outcome for him. He knew what would happen. And why. Animals are intelligent beings, and if you can communicate with them on a soul level, they do understand even if their behaviour doesn’t show you that they do.
At the animal hospital, I was waiting for the veterinary dentist with him, who already made his first surgery. I hugged him again and promised him that I would take him home the same day. Then, I went back. Like last time, I couldn’t do anything useful until they called me in the afternoon and reassured me that he was doing fine, just without all his upper molars. The x-ray was worse than expected. The severe impact of his CKD also surprised the veterinary dentist. So, she removed all the upper molars. Then he got additional infusions for a few hours after the surgery to get the anaesthesia out of his kidneys as fast as possible.
On the way back home, he was constantly talking to me, questioning the whole day. “Human, what did you think?” “I remember you told me something about my health, but right now, my mouth hurts a lot.” He can be very bossy with this behaviour… It’s his way to release stress, articulating things immediately. At home, most of the stress was already gone. I love this boy…
Back home he has eaten a full portion and demanded more. Back home he has eaten a full portion and demanded more. Sir Max is a very special soul. Like last time, he got 24/7 care. And like last time, he only needed painkillers for three days. As it was end of May and sunny, he decided to spend many hours on the balcony or the loggia on his garden chair, recovering from the past-surgery pain. Inhale. Exhale.
My happiness was simply to see him recovering and enjoying his life again; knowing that the decision was the right one.
The summer came, and Max continued to enjoy his life in his forever home. He had so much fun to be in the sun, then in the shadow, and back into the sun, it was pure happiness to see him happy. Why couldn’t it continue like this? But, apparently, there was more that need to be healed in his little body.
Our next challenge began with an ear infection
End of August, Max developed an ear infection in his left ear. I was for a week in Scotland, when it happened. The whole day I had pain in my left ear, not knowing what was going on. Until I heard in the evening from Michael that he had to take Max to the vet because of an ear infection. My ear pain stopped immediately, and I focused my energy on him.
His left ear was always the one he had a scratch on more often than on the right ear. But no vet could ever find something else than “oh, there is a lot of cerumen in this ear.” Now, the cerumen was black, and it smelled, and the ear canal was swollen. He got some medication and should check the ear after two weeks.
Knowing that kidneys and ears are energetically connected to each other, I didn’t have a good feeling. Max was relaxing a lot more than he usually would do. When I look at the photographs I have taken from him during these weeks; he was always tired, curled up somewhere, and very calm. And this is not Max, who is usually a pretty bossy and active tomcat. I asked our animal communicator who had already successfully worked with both cats during their first year to make a healing journey with him.
Animal communication works…
A few days later in the morning, when he came in my bed, there was a lot of blood in his ear and around his ear. Oh no… Interestingly he was on a much higher energetic level. I called the animal hospital and explained the situation. Emergency today at any time or appointment the next day with an ENT vet. I decided for the latter. Then, my animal communicator shared with me how the healing journey went: She was virtually travelling with him the night before his ear was full of blood. During the session, she was focused on removing blockages and strengthen his connectedness. And the image she got at the end of her session with him, was that a plug came out of his ear like a cork.
Wow, that’s why his ear was full of blood! Apparently, the healing journey helped him to get rid of things that no longer served him. And the blood in the ear was a physical symptom of this process. Good!
A not so nice suspicion…
The vets were irritated about the blood in his ear because they couldn’t determine where the blood came from. They assumed that there could be a tumour in the ear canal, maybe the root cause of the so-called ear infection. And therefore, a computer tomography (CT) was needed.
Oh no… my poor Max! Another anaesthesia, and another day in the animal hospital and he would again need infusions a few hours before and after the CT. I discussed the situation with Max’ regular vet, and after evaluating his current blood results and his kidney ultrasound (stable, but still high kidney results) we decided to schedule the CT as soon as possible, and a follow-up surgery in case they would really find a tumour during the CT.
Just a few days to prepare Max as best as possible for his third anaesthesia within 12 months as a CKD patient. He got all his natural kidney boosters to strengthen his kidneys as best as possible. And he got, even more, love and attention, and lots of soul preparation. And I made a manifestation for the best possible outcome for him.
Another day in the animal hospital for a CT and an ear surgery
The next Monday I brought him to the animal hospital. While we were waiting for our vet, I was singing a song for him, while he was sitting in my arms. It was such a beautiful moment, full of love. He was kind of calm and content. And I already knew at this time that there wouldn’t only be a CT today, but also another surgery. I went home and tried to work. At the date of the CT, I made an “Om Mani Padme Hum” meditation together with Flix. Whenever I do this, he is joining me. This time, he knew that we were doing this for Max.
When the phone rang, and I picked up, the vet told me that there was a tumour in his ear canal that had to be removed. So, they made the surgery right away. I was waiting for their call for the next three hours (don’t make my mistake, always ask how long the operation would normally take!). Then, the known number on my phone’s display: “Max is doing fine, he is waking up right now.”
Woohoo 🙂 Inhale. Exhale.
It took a load off my mind…
I was crying as so much stress had been released. Then I had to drum for a while…
Max made it. Again. What a hero!
He had to stay in the hospital for one night. Luckily, I already followed my intuition in the morning and put his favourite cat blanket for him in the cat carrier.
A difficult night, not only for Max who was keeping the staff in the hospital busy but also for me and Flix, his beautiful cat friend. He is always very nervous when something is happening with Max. He is afraid of losing his friend and protector Max. So we have taken care of each other.
Taking Max home 🙂
I cannot even describe my deep inner happiness when I could take him home! He wasn’t debating a lot on the way home, as he normally does. He was calm and looked at me, very often. For me, this was a sign that things were already much better for him than before the surgery.
We have found ourselves back in the well-known 24/7 “after-surgery” routine. This time with painkillers every 8 hours, eye drops for the left eye every 2-3 hours, and antibiotics twice a day, on top of his kidney medications. A side effect of the ear surgery was that his left eye was impacted, due to some disconnected nerves. His eye looked in another direction, and it was deeper in the eyehole. It’s called Horner syndrome. My vet explained it to me and that it would take 4-6 weeks until the eye would completely recover. She also prepared me in advance how Max would look after the surgery…
Sir Max, what a character! Strong, determined, focused, and always present to the present
I can only learn from him and his physical and mental strength. He was doing pretty well, always pretending that everything was OK even if it wasn’t. But that’s Max. He simply refuses that anybody or anything could ever ruin his day. Now, three weeks after the surgery, he is again a talking cat, a bossy cat, a very determined cat, enjoying every moment of his life. And he is again taking care of his highly vulnerable friend Flix.
After two weeks, the stitches have been taken out. And we could remove the cone which he had to wear to avoid that he could hurt his scar. What a happy day for Max! He was so incredibly brave regarding the cone. It seemed that he knew that he needed it. He only tried once in the second week to get rid of it which is entirely understandable. Now, the scar looks really great. And his left eye is almost fine.
Finally, we have defeated Max’ ear cancer
We got the result a few days later. It was cancer. But the vets confirmed that the tumour was removed completely. And the tissue surrounding the tumour is healthy.
And you know what? Max’ kidney results, especially his creatinine, decreased significantly!
What a journey, via an ear cancer, to get an even better prognosis regarding his CKD…
All’s well that ends well.
Stay tuned! Next time we will talk about the bigger picture of this story, and what we can actually learn from it…
Who hasn’t read about letting things go? Letting go of everything that no longer serves you, or letting go of beliefs and values that are no longer yours, or letting go of negative people in your life, and the list goes on and on.
There is only one question I have for you. Did you, maybe, experience some challenges with this practice of letting things go? Because these things didn’t go away at the end of the day? Then, you probably repeated yourself and worked again on letting these things go. But maybe they didn’t go away?
Did you tell the things you wanted to let go where they should go instead?
Probably not. Because it’s not taught. In most of these “letting go” articles, books and workshops, this question is neither discussed nor asked.
Imagine you make a decision to resign from your current job. Then you may already know what you want to do instead. Maybe you have already a new job destination in mind, or you know at least what you are looking for in a new job.
You get the point. Whatever the situation is, you have not only to get clarity on your current state but also on your future state. “From what, into what” is the principle here.
Now, let’s switch from concrete examples like letting go of a job to letting go of less tangible things such as values, beliefs or behaviours. Those things are not tangible in a physical way, but they are existing. Of course. Because we experience them. Because we feel them.
And this intangible area is where most “letting things go” exercises are focused on: letting go of a bad behavior, letting go of a false belief that doesn’t serve you any longer, or letting go of treating a loved one the wrong way, or letting go of negative people who suck all your energy, or letting go of unworthiness, “not being enough,” or “being a victim.” Also here, the list goes on and on…
We know from physics that everything is energy.
And we know that “energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another,” as the famous physician Albert Einstein stated. And that explains why letting things go is only half the equation. You cannot just let go a certain energy. It’s physically not accurate. You also need to know in which energy you want to transform the one you want to let go.
Knowing what you want to let go is only the first step.
Knowing in which form you want to transform the energy you want to let go is the key to success.
Let me give you a few examples.
Transform the feeling of rejection into non-judgement, into a state of love
Let’s think about the feeling of being rejected. Something you want to get rid of. It’s not easy at all as long as you connect another person’s behaviour as a result of your behaviour which makes you feeling rejected by that person. However, it’s much more likely that another person behaves as he or she behaves because of them, not because of you. Their issues turn into certain behaviours that are projected on you. In this particular case, checking out the Four Agreements by Toltec Spirit will help a lot. The second agreement talks about not to take anything personally because “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
Now having this insight in mind might help you to define the energy in which you want to transform the feeling of rejection. In this case of feeling rejected (I know this feeling very well…), turning the perceived rejection into a sense of non-judgement was my way. And transforming something into the absence of judgment is transforming something into a state of unconditional love. It has taken me years to get there; it only worked when I learned that knowing what to let go was only half the equation.
Transform speciesism into compassion
Another example. Let’s talk about the feeling of speciesism you may want to get rid of. It’s, for example, treating different animals differently which means that one species, your dog or cat, is loved, while another one gets abused, tortured and killed by the animal agriculture industry just because they have been defined, by humans, as “farm animals.” Another example could be to treat a particular group of people, such as immigrants or refugees, differently compared to the familiar groups of people you already know. Also here, the question is, into what you want to transform speciesism. Your choice, of course. But you have to find an answer. If not, there is no way to let go of this energy. Maybe you want to transform speciesism into compassion, or a state of non-judgment or a state of inner peace. That will work. Without any doubt.
Everything is energy. And energy cannot be destroyed; it can only be transformed. So, whatever you want to let go, define into what you want to transform it. And all of a sudden, your “letting things go” exercises have a much better chance to be successful.
Where does my vulnerability come from? Is this simply my soul’s nature? Or are there root causes that led to what I’m experiencing? Honestly, I thought for many years; this simply is who I am.
Then, I learned more and more about how we are born, with lots of love in our hearts and also with a lot of trust. Basic trust. We are born with basic trust. But what happens if you lose your basic trust?
I could connect the dots this year when my spiritual master said to me at the end of a beautiful breathwork week “You are currently very vulnerable. You should build more trust.”
We are all born with unconditional love and with basic trust – when did the damage happen?
I needed a while to understand what she meant. But the more I was processing this, and the more I got deeper into my past, the easier it was for me to identify the root causes in my life that led to a serious damage of my basic trust. I don’t want to go into these situations specifically now and here because I don’t want to blame anybody. I do know that my parents did the best they could, and I also know that their behaviors were based on their level of consciousness at this time. And this is true for all of us. We act based on the level of our current consciousness. As soon as we raise our level of consciousness, we see more clearly how things are connected to each other and what root causes led to which effect. And then, we adjust our behaviors and our attitude, and then things change around us.
Trust: what does it mean? Is it something you believe in or is trust something your feel?
Trust means that you place confidence in a situation or another person. Trust means “to believe in someone’s honesty,” to “believe that someone is a good person.” This is what the dictionaries say, Merriam-Webster and Oxford Dictionaries. It seems that trust is closely connected to what we believe which makes it a pretty fragile construct …
I’d prefer to replace the term “believe” with “feel.” For me, trust is something I feel; and that feeling comes from a soul level. So, I feel trust, or I don’t feel it.
Then, some definitions mix up trust and reliability. I’m not so sure about that. Trust is for me more focused on a person’s overall character, on his or her soul level; whereas reliability is more focused on certain behaviors such as being on time, or keeping deadlines.
I know this is a fine balance. Let me give you an example.
There are people I don’ trust, even if they are on time for each and every meeting. It’s hard to describe that for me, but I feel a lack of trust on a soul level as mentioned above, and that’s already established within the first few seconds of meeting someone. Nevertheless, such a person can be very reliable, and you may be able to build a good relationship. But it will never be a very deep and close relationship.
Then, there are people; I trust on a soul level, although some of their behaviors don’t show a lot of reliability. Also, this trust on a soul level is established within the first few seconds of meeting someone, or even earlier. The potential for a deep relationship is given from the very beginning.
It’s fantastic when these both levels, trust and reliability, the soul level and the behaviors in the physical world, come together. But I learned to distinguish the both, because if I reduce trust to reliability only, I reduce it to what I experience in the physical world only, not what’s existing beyond on a soul level.
Now, let’s look how vulnerability and trust are connected to each other. This is what I learned along my journey:
A highly vulnerable soul is like a tooth with a lack of dental enamel
Every extreme, cold or hot, is painful for a tooth with a lack of dental enamel. And that’s happening to a highly vulnerable soul. Every extreme, positive or negative, goes so much deeper because there is not enough dental enamel to protect the tooth. So, something that’s not a big deal for someone else is painful for the highly vulnerable soul. Even a very positive experience goes so much deeper, much more than for a less vulnerable and less sensitive soul. That can lead to emotional expressions others may have challenges to deal with.
The more you lack trust, the more vulnerable you become
Let’s assume that you have an open heart, that you love deeply and that you are on the way to simply be love, then a lack of trust sheds even more light on your vulnerability. And then, the most important thing is to build trust. Trust in life, trust in yourself, trust in your capabilities, trust in your beautiful self, in your amazing soul. You are a unique individuation of the universe. Perfect already at birth. Perfect from the very beginning. The beauty only needs to unfold, like a butterfly.
Lacking trust, vulnerability doesn’t always show up. It depends on – the love in your heart
The lack of basic trust does not necessarily lead to what you may perceive as a vulnerable soul. There is another way that exists as well. If a person experienced situations that led to a serious damage to their basic trust and unconditional love in their childhood (just as what I described above), and they didn’t focus on opening their heart again, then, you might experience another extreme. And that’s called ignorance, and might be perceived as not caring, as rude, or as cold, also as emotionally not accessible. The reality is that such a person is most of the time neither ignorant nor rude. Instead, their vulnerability is covered by an attitude that is focused on not letting anyone close to their heart under any circumstances. Their focus is to avoid all kinds of hot or cold extremes that hurt the vulnerable tooth in the first place.
So, the highly vulnerable appearance and the appearance that covers its vulnerability have their root cause in a lack of trust, in losing their basic trust.
That’s another topic for another blog post. Just in a few sentences, what I’m working on.
I felt the need to learn as much as I could about my soul: my soul’s origin and my soul energies. That was the first step that helped me to build trust in myself again, in the core of WHO I am, not WHAT I currently am.
Then, I focused more consequently on my breathing and my yoga practice. Every breath can tell my body that the world is a horrible and a dangerous place, or my breath can tell my body that life is beautiful.
And last but not least: Love your animal(s), spend time with your animal(s), and most important: listen and learn from them!
Animals, in my case, two older tom cats who came from an animal shelter, have the incredible capability to build trust in humans again (even if they didn’t experience a lot of good things so far), to love again, to enjoy life again. They don’t stress their mind and think about trust.
Animals simply feel whether they can trust a person or not on a soul level. They don’t analyze and run a mind-based trust check list. No, their souls immediately know whom to trust, who has a good heart, and a good soul. And as animals are already pure love, they only have to rebuild their trust when it was hurt by humans.
Wisdom for humans – connect with animals. There is so much we can learn from them.
How to love. Unconditionally.
How to build trust.
How to live.