This week it’s three months ago that my soul cat Flix had a major operation and my soul cat Max passed away. One of the most intensive and challenging weeks of my life. And one of the most beautiful weeks regarding the gifts and lessons learned that came my way to assist with the process.
What has happened?
Max, you may remember my recent posts about him here and here, had unfortunately developed a metastasis from his primary ear cancer. We discovered in November that his left lymph node was swollen. Quick check at the animal hospital. It was without any doubt a metastasis of the primary ear cancer.
When the vet explained the diagnosis to me, I was paralysed. I couldn’t stop my tears. Max felt that something was completely wrong. I’m sure he already knew what was going on in his body. But now, he knew that I knew. Which didn’t make things easier for him.
I took Max in my arms, was sitting with him in the hospital, singing for him, what I always did when something was not as we expected it to be. He knew that and curled up in my arms. I couldn’t avoid to let my tears flow, holding my beloved Max in my arms. Then, we went home. Usually, Max would be a talking cat on the way home from the vet. Not this time. He was quiet. So, I talked. Explained to him that I would find alternatives to help him as best as I could.
As soon as we were at home, I made my research on alternative cancer treatments. Mycotherapy was my decision. Medicinal mushrooms are an area we already had very positive experiences regarding his chronical kidney disease. And there were a couple of medicinal mushrooms that are used specifically in the area of cancer, often also in combination with other therapies.
Long story short: In close collaboration with a local vet and mycotherapist (a rare species!), we started his therapy. He got additional weekly injections to boost his immune system. For a couple of weeks, we had the tumour under control. First, it became harder which was a good thing according to the vet, but it also changed its position. We were initially not sure what that would mean. However, Max could still eat. He didn’t eat a lot, smaller portions, but he did. Of course, he lost a lot of weight during these few weeks until the end of 2016. But whatever we did, the tumour didn’t get smaller.
Then, there was this day right after Christmas, when Max decided not to take any medication any longer at all. Not only the medicinal mushrooms. He also refused to take his kidney medication. He was very strict and consequent with his decision. The vet suggested to make a medicinal mushroom break of three days and then to see whether he wanted to take his mushrooms again yes or no. As you can imagine, he didn’t. Max was always a very decisive cat. Consequent. Incorruptible. So, I was not surprised. At this time, my vet articulated what I already knew: that we had lost the battle. We wouldn’t get rid of the tumour. It was too late. At the same time, we began to administer an additional painkiller because the tumour had changed its position down the neck that it could now cause pain when he was eating and drinking. Interestingly, he accepted the painkiller. Max always knew what was needed and what wasn’t helpful anymore. What a wise soul.
During this whole process, I tried to tune into Max’ experience. How was he feeling? Did he want to go, or did he want to stay? Did he want any help so that he could cross over? Earlier in December, there was this one day when I thought “that’s it. It’s over.” He was sitting on the stairs; I was standing next to him on the lower floor. We were literally at “eye level”. His eyes were dark, full of tears, and so sorrowful. My eyes were also filled with tears within seconds. It was the day when he also stopped making his control walk in the staircase as he usually did every evening.
Eye-opening animal communication
I was devastated and asked my animal communicator to talk to him: I wanted to know how he was feeling, what he wanted for himself, what he wanted me to do for him. The opposite of what I had in mind was the case. He was not sad because of his upcoming death. No, he was so very sad because of me. He was sad because I was so sad even if I tried to be happy and positive. But Max felt the truth through all layers of protection I might have put on myself. Animals see you who you really are. At soul level. From heart to heart. He was more concerned about me than about himself. What an incredible soul. What a master and teacher. That caused lots of tears on my end again. But this time tears of overflowing happiness and endless gratitude to have him in my life.
All of a sudden, I experienced what it really meant to live in the moment. To enjoy the now. Max, like all animals, always live this way. He showed me what was really important, and where to focus on. From now on, for the last few weeks we had together in this incarnation, I was feeling liberated. We would just enjoy the time that was given to us. And I’d continue to involve my animal communicator Sylvia, who became a dear friend over time, to really understand what he wanted. I wanted him to pass away how and when he was ready to go. On his terms. Not because I couldn’t stand anything anymore. When it would become even harder for me, that was fine. But most important was that I wanted to make sure that I facilitated his way. This clarity opened a different space for us. He started to spend more time outside of his hiding places. Enjoying the sun in the early afternoon became a ritual again almost until the end.
Then, it was the end of the year, New Year’s Eve. As always, Max wasn’t afraid of all the noises. But Flix was. As last year. Although he was much more confident than the year before, he was looking for the very specific New Year’s Eve hiding places…
Another shock: Flix…
January 2, Max and I had a vet appointment. Nothing special, tumour check, and he got an immune system booster. When we arrived back at home, Flix was gone. I couldn’t find him to be precise. As an indoor cat, he couldn’t disappear. At least that’s what I thought. Sometimes he liked to hide even if we were back from the vet because he just wanted to make sure that nobody could ever take him to go somewhere. So, I didn’t do anything for the next hour. After lunch, I still missed him. Ok, that was not a common Flix joke. Something had happened. I checked all possible hiding places. No Flix. Then, I removed all (!) items from the storeroom which was one of his favourite hiding places.
There he was! He was sitting between two boxes on the floor. Looking at the boxes, it looked like he had to “reverse park” to get there. I took him in my arms and brought him downstairs. He was walking in a strange way. Maybe something was strained….?
He was very stressed that day. In the evening he just wanted to sit on my lap and relax. For hours and that was an entirely new behaviour. Strange. Something was not right. The next day, I wasn’t sure about one of his legs to be strained. He had issues to keep his balance with his rear legs. I made a few videos and sent them to my favourite vet in the animal hospital. She called me back the same day, very late. She said an orthopaedic specialist and a neurologist should see him.
Two days later, Flix and I went to the animal hospital. The vets looked at the videos (luckily I made those because Flix didn’t show any movement at the vets). They also looked at his eyes and found a strange reaction on one side. However, it was a neurological issue called vestibular syndrome. I thought so. Observing him at home, I already did some research, and that was my guess, too. The vets said that the vestibular syndrome in cats is almost never unspecific as in dogs. That’s why they recommended an MRT diagnosis because they assumed something to be in the brain causing the problem. Oh wow… as we wouldn’t have enough challenges…
However, I’m always a big fan of facing a challenge directly. They processed the MRT right away. One hour later, the vets came back and showed me what they had found: There was a large polyp in his left middle ear. And that polyp was the reason why he lost his sense of balance.
In his left ear? What was going on here? Both cats had issues in their left ears. Max just a few months ago and we all know how this evolved. And now Flix, although the circumstances were different and it was the middle ear and not the ear canal as with Max. But it was the left ear. Did he mirror Max’ illness, Max’ body feelings?
The only way to give him a chance to get his sense of balance back was an operation to remove the polyp. Then, it would take a while (a couple of months were already mentioned!) until his neurology would function properly again. We scheduled the operation for the following Tuesday, January 10th.
Flix’ operation on January 10th
On that morning, we had snow. Max decided to test the snow on the loggia. He enjoyed a few moments there, and then he left his mark in the snow. Then, he came in again. Relaxed. So as he would have done something important. Flix was sitting at the open door, but he couldn’t decide to go out. He was just looking outside.
At lunchtime, I brought Flix to the animal hospital. Of course, I made sure that Max and Flix knew what was happening and that both could spend time together before Flix and I left. Bringing him to the animal hospital was traumatic for both of us. He put his paws in my jumper, in my jeans, everywhere. There was no way that he wanted to let me go. As always, I explained him earlier on that today, the polyp in his ear that caused him so much pain and stress would be removed and that he needed to spend some time in the hospital. I hugged him again, reassured him and promised him that we would soon be all together at home. Just holding him, feeling his heartbeat on my heart. Slowly, slowly, he relaxed and allowed me to put him in the hospital’s cat carrier. I will never forget the depth of his eyes, how he looked at me when I had to leave him there. I knew these moments from bringing Max for an operation. Horrible, sad and moving. But necessary to ensure his health. Although you know you do the right thing, it is heart-wrenching to leave a beloved animal at the hospital that is simply afraid of the situation even if they trust you. Only time for a few tears on my way home. I wanted to be back in a positive mood for Max.
Navigating with the heart, understanding the souls’ decisions
The next three days were highly turbulent, to say the least. The vet who made the operation called me very late the same day. The operation went well, Flix was already awake again, but his neurology wasn’t. He prepared me for what happened in the next few days: that Flix’ neurology was worse than before the operation which happened sometimes.
The next day, I was told that Flix had to stay in the hospital for another night because they couldn’t get him on his feet again. I was deeply worried. The vets, too. And then I had Max at home who lost a bit more of his life force every day. The following day, a Thursday, I got the same information. But I didn’t accept it. I said that I would come to see Flix whether they liked it or not. When I arrived at the hospital, and they brought me Flix, I had to use all my strength to remain strong and positive for my boy. Flix was totally helpless, not able to eat on his own, and not able to get on his feet. He cuddled in my arms like a picture of misery, desperately trying to get some stability. I simply hugged and loved him for the next half an hour. Sending him as much of my love as I possibly could. Singing for him. He had given up on himself. What a disaster… I told him that everything was going to be all right. That Max would wait for him at home. That we would all soon be at home again. United.
I was thinking back and forth when I was driving home. Max was in his final stages of this incarnation. He didn’t have a lot of time left. And my intuition told me that he couldn’t go without seeing Flix again. And Flix felt that Max was very ill and that he would cross the rainbow bridge rather sooner than later. As he was so focused on Max as his alpha cat. So, the situation must be more than stressful for him; on top of the severe disease and the operation which wasn’t an easy thing. Feeling very insecure and very ill after such a complicated operation and not knowing whether he would see his closest friend again in this lifetime or not must create additional emotional stress for him that didn’t allow him to stand up again. Literally, he couldn’t stand up again. More than enough reasons for such a highly vulnerable cat to give up on himself.
Animal communication to understand the souls’ desires
When I was at home, I told Max that Flix had a hard time and that I would do whatever it would take to reunite the both as soon as possible. I contacted my animal communicator again, sharing the tough situation. She said that she would talk to both cats. Later on the same day, I got her feedback from her conversation with both cats. She had an “animal conference call” with both cats’ souls. First, Max when asked, clearly stated that he didn’t want any help to cross over the rainbow bridge. Even he was in his final stages of cancer, he was still the alpha cat. He said he was tired and weak and that he hoped that he could simply fly away when it was about time. And he also stated that he was very sorry in case he didn’t have enough time to see Flix again in this lifetime.
Then, the conversation with Flix uncovered the magnitude of the problem we were in. Flix had mirrored Max’ body feelings completely. His whole left side felt the same way than Max’ left side. The stress Max illness created for Flix could have led to the disease he developed (the polyp in the middle ear that resulted in a loss of balance). He lost his sense of balance the more he experienced that Max would be gone rather sooner than later. Then, the operation was not an easy one, and he was not a young boy either. As a result, Flix had given up on himself when he woke up after the operation, feeling so very dizzy. Everything seemed to turn around him all the time. Sylvia processed a few quantum healing steps with Flix to stop the ongoing dizziness for him. Then she said to me” The work is done. The souls will decide.”
Next morning, I called the animal hospital and shared the whole story with them, especially the results of the animal communication. In a nutshell, I said that I must get Flix at home, that I have no issues to feed him manually and to process the full-time care, but he must see Max again, and Max needs to see Flix again so that he can cross over peacefully. I also reassured them that this was an issue at soul level, not so much a medical issue they could solve. They called me back half an hour later and said OK; we got it, you can take Flix home although his situation is critical; we trust you.
Well, these vets and I went through some processes before… and they knew Max!
A few hours later, Flix was back at home, and I got eight different drugs he needed for the next ten days. He was already in much better shape than the day before. Sylvia’s quantum healing process worked! He could at least crawl out of his cat carrier and go to Max. Very wobbly, but he could! Just imagine the day before he couldn’t even stand on his own feet!
I was sitting next to both of them, letting my tears finding their way from my heart through my eyes. What a relief…. Now, their souls could decide and move on; this way or that way.
Flix had to be fed manually which means I had to puree his food with the drugs that I had pestled before. Then the food had to be put into a few syringes. Then it was dinner time. Flix was used to this way of eating his food since the operation, as he couldn’t coordinate all his senses to eat on his own. But I wasn’t! So, we needed a few times to get used to it. I also helped him to get to the cat toilet a few times a day until he could manage these steps on his own again.
It was time to say goodbye
The next day, January 14th, Max was almost the whole day behind the sofa. He turned around a few times; he came out of his hiding place to drink water, just to go back again.
In the early evening, he changed on his favourite cat blanket in the other room. I asked him if he wanted to have some food and his pain killer. I prepared everything and went back to him. I tried to feed him, but something was different today. He wasn’t even completely here. I talked to him and stroked him where he loved to be stroked; admiring his still beautiful ginger fur. He turned around, and I knew that he was going to cross over. Now. I started singing for him, what I always did when a major event was about to happen for us, and I just wanted to shower him with love.
A few deep breaths and then his soul went out of his body towards the rainbow bridge. His body passed away. I was still singing for him to hold space for him. Flix was with us, sitting just two meters away, observing the scene, exactly knowing what was happening.
Two years and four days …
… was the time that was given to us. I’m so very grateful and happy for this time. Max was not only an amazing, strong cat, a real character, a little tiger, he was also the most loyal friend one can imagine, and he was my master and teacher. All at the same time. Furthermore, in his last days, he officially empowered Flix to take over, to enjoy his life on Earth, here with us, to get back to health although he was no longer physically with him. But as cats often wander between the different worlds, I’m sure that both boys are in a constant messaging mode with each other.
Max taught me a lot. In case some corners in my heart still needed to be opened, Max and also Flix did. Max taught me to focus on what’s crucial. As our time was always based on diseases (the chronical kidney illness and then cancer), the word “focus” gets a different meaning. It’s not only about an emphasis on the time that is given to you, but it’s also about an emphasis on the soul story behind every being to understand the broader picture. Luckily, I followed his guidance and discovered the fantastic topic of animal communication which opens the door to the animals’ soul language. Treating body symptoms is never enough. Understanding his soul story and who he was at soul level was one of the most amazing lessons I could learn. During this process, I also learned what it really means to fully accept another being in a life-changing difficult situation. Loving Max with his cancer, helping him to treat the disease as best as we could, but most importantly, not to forget what was most precious: our time together. To enjoy. To laugh. To play. To love each other no matter what.
Furthermore, without the amazing insights from the animal communication, I’m not sure if we could have navigated this dramatic and heart-wrenching situation so well with positive outcomes for both:
Max could cross over on his terms, and Flix could get healthy again.
Max’ legacy: the soul cat book
It was the book about soul dogs written by a German blogger about her life with her amazing dogs. Max looked at it and placed himself on top of the book. Then, he looked at me long enough for me to get it:
I should write a book about Max and Flix and our life, apparently a book about soul cats.
Three months later
Today, it’s three months and one day after Max passed away. Thinking of him is no longer painful, the feeling transforms more and more into gratitude, love, and pure joy that I could spend some time with this amazing, wise cat. That he adopted us. That he ensured that also Flix was adopted.
Also, I am very grateful that he allowed me to be with him when he passed away. Now, I know that this was one of Max’ generous gifts. He did it because he knew that I was as ready as he was. So, he could transition peacefully.
I am stunned by Flix. This highly vulnerable, sensitive, but super cute cat is going above and beyond. He is fighting himself back into his cat life. He became a strong, even more, confident boy, who is working hard on himself to relearning things that seemed so normal before the operation.
After one week at home, he could eat on his own again. He became more and more secure regarding walking. He couldn’t jump on any cat tree, chair or the sofa. When he wanted to go there, he asked is human service personnel to lift him.
After two months, he could walk the stairs downstairs, and a few weeks later he could also walk the stairs up again. What a relief. No, he could again process the main soul cat jobs, such as for instance, supervising the service personnel, ensuring that breakfast was served on time in the morning, etc.
Again a few days later, he managed it to get back on the first level of his small cat tree. He is trying a lot to get to the treats that are positioned there…
Flix is so proud of all the cat responsibilities he has taken on! And he is so happy that he can do most of the jobs alone again.
The strength he has developed during this process was definitely initiated by Max, and now Flix is going above and beyond to step into Max’ shoes. And he is so AMAZING….
In a nutshell: Navigating with the heart….
PS: The soul cats book is already “work in progress.”
Who could not take on any of Sir Max’ assignments?