Where does my vulnerability come from? Is this simply my soul’s nature? Or are there root causes that led to what I’m experiencing? Honestly, I thought for many years; this simply is who I am.
Then, I learned more and more about how we are born, with lots of love in our hearts and also with a lot of trust. Basic trust. We are born with basic trust. But what happens if you lose your basic trust?
I could connect the dots this year when my spiritual master said to me at the end of a beautiful breathwork week “You are currently very vulnerable. You should build more trust.”
We are all born with unconditional love and with basic trust – when did the damage happen?
I needed a while to understand what she meant. But the more I was processing this, and the more I got deeper into my past, the easier it was for me to identify the root causes in my life that led to a serious damage of my basic trust. I don’t want to go into these situations specifically now and here because I don’t want to blame anybody. I do know that my parents did the best they could, and I also know that their behaviors were based on their level of consciousness at this time. And this is true for all of us. We act based on the level of our current consciousness. As soon as we raise our level of consciousness, we see more clearly how things are connected to each other and what root causes led to which effect. And then, we adjust our behaviors and our attitude, and then things change around us.
Trust: what does it mean? Is it something you believe in or is trust something your feel?
Trust means that you place confidence in a situation or another person. Trust means “to believe in someone’s honesty,” to “believe that someone is a good person.” This is what the dictionaries say, Merriam-Webster and Oxford Dictionaries. It seems that trust is closely connected to what we believe which makes it a pretty fragile construct …
I’d prefer to replace the term “believe” with “feel.” For me, trust is something I feel; and that feeling comes from a soul level. So, I feel trust, or I don’t feel it.
Then, some definitions mix up trust and reliability. I’m not so sure about that. Trust is for me more focused on a person’s overall character, on his or her soul level; whereas reliability is more focused on certain behaviors such as being on time, or keeping deadlines.
I know this is a fine balance. Let me give you an example.
There are people I don’ trust, even if they are on time for each and every meeting. It’s hard to describe that for me, but I feel a lack of trust on a soul level as mentioned above, and that’s already established within the first few seconds of meeting someone. Nevertheless, such a person can be very reliable, and you may be able to build a good relationship. But it will never be a very deep and close relationship.
Then, there are people; I trust on a soul level, although some of their behaviors don’t show a lot of reliability. Also, this trust on a soul level is established within the first few seconds of meeting someone, or even earlier. The potential for a deep relationship is given from the very beginning.
It’s fantastic when these both levels, trust and reliability, the soul level and the behaviors in the physical world, come together. But I learned to distinguish the both, because if I reduce trust to reliability only, I reduce it to what I experience in the physical world only, not what’s existing beyond on a soul level.
Now, let’s look how vulnerability and trust are connected to each other. This is what I learned along my journey:
A highly vulnerable soul is like a tooth with a lack of dental enamel
Every extreme, cold or hot, is painful for a tooth with a lack of dental enamel. And that’s happening to a highly vulnerable soul. Every extreme, positive or negative, goes so much deeper because there is not enough dental enamel to protect the tooth. So, something that’s not a big deal for someone else is painful for the highly vulnerable soul. Even a very positive experience goes so much deeper, much more than for a less vulnerable and less sensitive soul. That can lead to emotional expressions others may have challenges to deal with.
The more you lack trust, the more vulnerable you become
Let’s assume that you have an open heart, that you love deeply and that you are on the way to simply be love, then a lack of trust sheds even more light on your vulnerability. And then, the most important thing is to build trust. Trust in life, trust in yourself, trust in your capabilities, trust in your beautiful self, in your amazing soul. You are a unique individuation of the universe. Perfect already at birth. Perfect from the very beginning. The beauty only needs to unfold, like a butterfly.
Lacking trust, vulnerability doesn’t always show up. It depends on – the love in your heart
The lack of basic trust does not necessarily lead to what you may perceive as a vulnerable soul. There is another way that exists as well. If a person experienced situations that led to a serious damage to their basic trust and unconditional love in their childhood (just as what I described above), and they didn’t focus on opening their heart again, then, you might experience another extreme. And that’s called ignorance, and might be perceived as not caring, as rude, or as cold, also as emotionally not accessible. The reality is that such a person is most of the time neither ignorant nor rude. Instead, their vulnerability is covered by an attitude that is focused on not letting anyone close to their heart under any circumstances. Their focus is to avoid all kinds of hot or cold extremes that hurt the vulnerable tooth in the first place.
So, the highly vulnerable appearance and the appearance that covers its vulnerability have their root cause in a lack of trust, in losing their basic trust.
That’s another topic for another blog post. Just in a few sentences, what I’m working on.
I felt the need to learn as much as I could about my soul: my soul’s origin and my soul energies. That was the first step that helped me to build trust in myself again, in the core of WHO I am, not WHAT I currently am.
Then, I focused more consequently on my breathing and my yoga practice. Every breath can tell my body that the world is a horrible and a dangerous place, or my breath can tell my body that life is beautiful.
And last but not least: Love your animal(s), spend time with your animal(s), and most important: listen and learn from them!
Animals, in my case, two older tom cats who came from an animal shelter, have the incredible capability to build trust in humans again (even if they didn’t experience a lot of good things so far), to love again, to enjoy life again. They don’t stress their mind and think about trust.
Animals simply feel whether they can trust a person or not on a soul level. They don’t analyze and run a mind-based trust check list. No, their souls immediately know whom to trust, who has a good heart, and a good soul. And as animals are already pure love, they only have to rebuild their trust when it was hurt by humans.
Wisdom for humans – connect with animals. There is so much we can learn from them.
How to love. Unconditionally.
How to build trust.
How to live.